I've been working through some things in therapy, and I'm a little bit stuck so I'm writing this post to hopefully move some things along in my self-love journey.
The little imposter in my mind is filling me with doubt so in an effort to silence that AND work on my shit, here we are!
It was decided I need to celebrate everything I've done since starting this journey in 2022, then I can look back on it when I'm struggling.
The hope is eventually I will say I'm proud of myself and believe it!
Where it started....
When I first started going to therapy in 2022 we needed a goal;
Why was I there? Why now in my life? What does better look like?
My homework the first couple of sessions was to make a list of my goals and really answer these questions.
The Beginning...
June 2022 - drinking alcohol daily, last 3 months are a total blur, disassociated from the stress. I don't recall anything from work or home, but have managed to keep things moving. Burnout, massive panic attacks, uncontrollable crying, weight loss, working 11 hour days, frequent migraines, daily headaches & stomach issues, zero emotional regulation (work and home)
My goals - July 2022...
Centered
manage stress better
create boundaries
healing from past trauma
leave the past where it is
healthy mind
less worry
feel STABLE
be my best self
passionate again
forgive and release - hurt, people, past etc.
strengthen relationships
find myself and my own worth
evaluate my beliefs and values
What would be different? How would I feel?
able to regulate emotions
deal with my past
better mother
better spouse to Matt
less stress and overwhelm
healthy coping tools
control my drinking
love myself
have confidence
find myself
feel less like I'm running a hamster wheel
more present in my life - remembering things
less scattered and messy
more trust - less "What if" or worrying constantly
Believing that I am worthy and enough
make my own plans to do things on my own
Where we are...April 2024
I am less reactive - I've learned to stop, and then respond.. vs my instant reaction to everything.
I'm healing a lot of trauma - like more trauma than I knew I had...hard work.
I've learned tools to help me manage my illnesses along with ADHD
I'm unlearning a lot of beliefs I have about myself.
I have accepted who I am - and continue to work on this daily
I am able to better manage stress, change, unknowns and hard situations
Feel stability inside for the first time in my life
my episodes are getting less intense and are shorter.
I am exploring my creative and artistic side that was stifled most of my adult life.
I am able to be alone - and be ok with it.
I am no longer striving for perfection, but rather authenticity.
I have learned to set and keep boundaries
The list!
I freaking love lists, brain dumps etc.
Anything that lets me write things point form to get them out of my head.
JOY!
What I've done so far:
Quit smoking - May 2022
quit my job - Jan 2023
got a sleeve tattoo
cut off my hair
lost 50 lbs
improved marriage
boundaries - learned them, set them, keep them
launched an advocacy business - Anxious Alice Co
Fundraiser with CMHA - https://secure.cmha.calgary.ab.ca/anxious-alice
appeared on a podcast!
built my support team
written guest blog for CADDAC
I'm advocating every day.
sharing my story however I can
started a blog! anxiousalice.ca
building my own website
started fostering - 5 fosters in the past 12 months
started volunteering
facing BIG fears with trust/abandonment
redefined my beliefs and values
To be continued.....
Thanks for hanging with me while I attempted to toot my own horn!
XO
Danielle
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